i want to share my story with you.
you may feel connected.
you may see inspiration.
it may makes you thoughtful.
or you're just reading.
or you are just not into it.
this year 2018 is my year of change and transformation.
if there is a chapter over, there is the next one ahead.
it feels like there is no break.
it's always very intense.
if it's calm for a few days, there for sure is newmoon or fullmoon coming up.
but this all means i am so ready to conquer it.
and i am so very thankful for this now.
sometimes it feels like i am lost in the nowhere. but this also means i am now here!
in this very moment is everything alright. there is no problem nor fear.
i am just breathing and i feel i am alive.
the last months were pretty intense working for school.
i wanted to do my final exams. i signed up.
and i actually put all my energy into it.
i've done my theory final exam and i passed.
i've done two final thesis where i did not feel really authentic.
i just had to do it, to be admitted to the practical final exam.
i've just done it how i felt it was right.
because i give my healing sessions with my intuition.
not as they want to see it; remember everything and writing it down correctly.
they want to see the process of my clients.
but the only real process is coming back to the heart
and face what they have to in that moment of life.
that's not my job to make their process coming up.
i dont feel authentic to push the process.
they are ready when they are ready. god will manage.
and really, that's not my way to give healing sessions.
that's not my purpose of life.
i was so much struggling with that.
that was always a fact during my studies.
but now, i realized what was the real point
i have struggled all the time.
after my time-out in nicaragua
- i am glad they let me enjoy my holiday to its fullest
they sent me the result when i got back:
they want me to write a new thesis over 5 sessions with a client.
and the other thesis i should revise.
oh dear. i was so sad. disappointed.
because they do not understand my work by my intuition.
they want me to work with my head.
that's what i have done all my life.
but i am on my way back to my heart.
that's a conflict for me.
but at the right time i found the right book.
there is written:
do what light's you up.
and this healing sessions lightening me up.
but my way.
because it's not me, which is healing.
it's god's - or however you call this energy - illumination.
i am just the medium.
i ask for healing. i ask for illumination.
i ask for love for my clients.
i ask for the fire to dissolve the old patterns.
i give room to feel the body.
to be in silence.
silence is the key to healing.
in silence you receive the blessings and answers.
and if they face their fears, they will get healed.
if they face the cause, they will get healed.
if they turn their attention, they will get healed.
i knew in the very moment i received this email
i will not make the final exam in that moment.
i wrote an email so honestly to my teacher.
and i was really connected with my soul in that moment.
there were no thoughts from my brain.
i didnt talk to anyone this moment.
it was just so deeply with my intuition.
i have done my decision by heart.
after some days i told the story to some of my closest friends and family.
they all said; follow your heart.
because you know what lights you up
and you know your way.
and if you put your energy on what you love
you will be so successfull.
but the school and the ones in our systems just said:
it's only two weeks to go, let's try it and go for it.
i tried to do this.
i tried to change my mind.
i tried to make this decision new.
i mean, it's only 2 weeks to go.
i wanted to study. sit down. i sat down.
but i couldn't.
it felt like a tunnel. i tried to read
but i did not remember anything.
i was crying everyday.
i felt so sick in my stomache.
my solarplexus was whirling.
i was just not in shape.
i guess that's a voice coming from a deeper layer.
so i realy had to listen.
i asked my mum.
i asked my best friends.
i asked god.
what is right now my intuition?
which voice is coming from my soul?
what are old patterns?
what is my mind?
what is my fear?
what says my body?
what is my souls desire?
where does god wants me to go?
my mind was so dazzled.
i overthought everything.
i didnt know anylonger what is right.
what is left. i searched the answer.
i was listening to holy music
which my mum was playing for me.
i went on some body work, meditation
where my stepfather was guiding me.
i felt even more sick.
i sat on a bench for five hours.
i luckily had a book with me
which i found on the table of my roomie.
right time, right place.
i just took it with me.
i wrote down my fears.
what makes me shine bright.
and i knew, if i want to be happy
i have to follow my heart right now.
and it does not matter what everyone else is saying.
and after one more day i have decided i take some more time for the exam.
and in this moment i have decided everything turned into harmony.
my solarplexus got silent
i could breathe deeply again
i felt happy again.
what a burden i could release.
i feel so free.
i am free.
and i am so happy to say yes to myself.
and as i decided, it was okey for everyone else too
everyone understands me
everyone is proud.
they say i'm very brave.
and it actually feels so good.
i am free for everything i want to learn, to give, to do
and i have no idea where life takes me.
for now i'm not doing the exam
but who knows what will be in one year.
and it doesn't matter at all.
i follow the rhythm of life.
i follow what god gives me.
and i always ask for the right path.
And as i am back in my flow, my life flows again.
Many clients asking me for sessions.
I get messages from old friends for help.
universe gives me everything i need.
it's just a real gift.
i am beyond grateful.
and i have time to grow
to read, to follow what lights me up.
and this time for real.
i deeply go into silence to feel what's right
after these very intense months
it's time for a break
i will face my fears again
step by step
but now it's time for my heart.
my passion. my love. my happiness.
the last days, i've just been in the mountains.
so much love to the world.
i love you
and i thank you.
from the depths.